Hold On // Spiders, Photography, and Updates

"Rekt."

Spiders are pretty incredible, don’t you think?

I could talk about how their patience and determination is a metaphor for life, but that’s just picking at straws and making it unnecessarily meaningful (my English teacher, Ms S, would be proud). To be completely honest, I just think they’re pretty awesome.

Forgot how difficult it was to take macro photography.

I dug out my macro lens for the first time in like, a century, and decided to actually spend some significant time taking photos in the backyard today. Not only was it fun to get in touch with my creative side (it was starting to collect dust in the corner of my brain, really), but I was able to show my brother the awesome wonderful fantastic amazingness of biology!! And how badass spiders really are.

Incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout

With a lot of technology and increasing influences of computers and television, a great proportion of my brother’s childhood has resorted to ‘facing screens’. Although that is not necessarily a bad thing (there’s immense potential in using technology, and let’s face it, technology is here to stay and will only continue to grow in the years to come), the act of ‘watching’ is much different to the act of ‘doing’ and ‘exploring’. One of the best things about today was almost being able to pin-point the exact moment my brother’s curiosity exploded. There’s something quite captivating about a young child exclaiming ‘Woah!! That’s so AWESOME’ and showing such genuine interest in something. It’s a feeling I miss, but it’s a sensation that resurfaces every now and again, even in myself (as it did today).

I’m not entirely sure what I’m saying, really.

It was just great to bond and to see my brother be so interested in something that I’m inherently also super-interested in. Brings back the memories of the good ol’ times when I would spend hours just looking at insects.

Check out this awesome moth that we found on the underside of a leaf

Ant picking up a sugar crystal!

Okay, now for the update.

So life suddenly took a turn for the busy and I’ve found myself starting to feel the pressure and the stress. But I’m determined to try and not let it get to me.

With the end of the year soon approaching, there are a lot of responsibilities to tend to, especially with new MedSoc responsibilities on top of work, exam stress, and trying to sort my life out. Phew, I need all the help I can get. I’ve been trying to organise a heapful of things and with the looming exams and pressures of being official ‘photographer’, I’m starting to second-guess my abilities.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve felt these feelings of impeding anxiety – they’ve come many times before, especially in the last year, and in the end I’ve always managed to get through them. I guess that’s how I reassure myself that things will be okay, because history and the past has shown me that it has been okay all those other times.

Looks like one of my old photos... Hm.

Recently I’ve also been trying to get back into photography and rediscover what makes me tick deep down. Today I took some time out of my schedule to take some ‘stress relief photography’. Though, arguably, it did mean I heaped more on my plate, I have no regrets. It’s been such a long time since I’ve felt this way about photography, so like I said, I’m taking the baby-steps to rediscover a passion.

Things are getting difficult and getting hard, but that’s alright. Life isn’t made easy, but it means I’ll have to prioritise and find out what matters to me, so in the next three weeks I may not find the opportunity to update this blog, but I’ll return.

Busy busy busy, but we gotta deal with it. Will be back soon!

Sometimes I feel like that ant

Have a great next few weeks. Stay hydrated, take care of yourself, and enjoy.

-- Manj

“Someday somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. Till then baby, are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry? Don’t you know things’ll change, things’ll go your way if you hold on for one more day” – Wilson Phillips, ‘Hold On’

The Meaning of Photography (to me)

// Rant alert, and several photography-flashbacks. Dips into a negative ditch but ends on a positive note //

Let's start with a single photography that I managed to scavenge out of the remainders of creativity and passion lying deep in my cerebral cortex.

Not my usual type of photography, but I wanted to explore a bit.
Don't worry, I'm not naked. I'm wearing socks!

Something that's been on my mind for a while is the dynamic that photography has had in my life in recent times.

With an ever-increasingly busy life with exams and assignments and greater responsibilities, photography has slowly diminished in my life, though some may argue otherwise. As you may know, I've started to enter into the event-photography business, and consequently, things have taken a radical change.

Although it is true that I take my camera with me far more often than I used to -- almost every outing of some significance will have 'Manjekah + camera' attending -- but slowly along the way something changed. Yes, I document events by taking photographs, and enjoy it none-the-less, but something that has changed in the last year is the meaningful photography that I take.

Now you may argue that 'meaningful' is subjective, and I completely agree. I think that the photographs I currently take do 'mean' something to people -- that is, most of my photographs today are for events and/or documentive sake. For 'memories', I suppose, which is a good thing.

But for me, the original purpose and reason I became so interested in photography was for meaning. For taking photographs for the sake of taking photographs -- because I loved it. Today I find myself taking ordinary photographs of 'special' things like birthday cakes and group photos, which isn't all that bad, but I've somehow lost my ability to take photos of seemingly meaningless things and made them into something worthwhile taking photos of.

A chess set isn't all that interesting, really. That didn't stop me in the past, but today it probably would.

I used to take photographs not because of an event, but because of an idea. There would be no 'special day' such as a twenty-first birthday or charity event. It was not because I was 'going to the Night Noodle Markets' or some festival. It was because I had a passion and I genuinely wanted to take photos of something, just because.

There's nothing quite interesting about a train station that I visit almost every second day, but that used to be irrelevant.

I would pour so much effort, time, and thought into perfecting these photographs. And I would finish with so much pride and beaming courage.

But now, every time I edit photographs I groan. I dread and complain about the time and effort that I'm forced to put into these photographs because I know I'm not doing them for myself. I'm doing them because I feel obliged to, or for someone else. That's not what photography ought to mean.

Sometimes I'm not even sure if I should introduce myself as someone who 'loves photography' anymore, because sometimes I'm not sure if that's true anymore.

I was reminded (by Facebook's 'On This Day' feature) that about one year ago I took my 'AFL' first photo (A Fine Line, a project which initially started as a way to depict my brother growing up, question the line between adulthood and childhood, and also challenge the notion that adults cannot be childish, and vice-versa). I had intended to contribute to it twice a year -- every six months -- but I had missed both my six month and twelve month due date.

One of the unused AFL photographs, from October 2014.

It reminded me that one year ago, I was in the midst of my HSC exams -- the biggest and most important exams in my life thus far -- and yet, I had made the time to pour endless effort into the AFL project and photography. How? Why? It was because I genuinely loved doing it.

But now? 

Perhaps it's because I'm busy. Perhaps it's because I have too much going on in life. Perhaps it's because I have other things that I've prioritised. Perhaps it's because photography doesn't mean the same thing to me anymore.

It takes a lot of courage to finally admit it to myself, because I genuinely miss having that passion burning within me. I part of me feels ashamed, guilty, and most of all, disappointed in myself. I only realised it today when I tried to take some photographs/portraits of myself for the reason 'just because' (for the first time in a long, long time), and found myself thinking 'Eurgh I could be doing something more productive right now' and self-diagnosing myself with a severe case of 'ceebs'.

And it hit me so fast that I had to take a double-take. What happened in the last year? How did I change from someone who loved photography, and essentially didn't go a few weeks without doing a mini-project (even in the busiest period of my life), into someone who couldn't even devote two hours to taking photos in my own home for 'fun'?

An old self-portrait shoot

But, as we all know, realising a problem is the first step. 

I did end up taking photographs this Sunday morning, for 'fun'. For no reason except for my own enjoyment (though, the level of enjoyment it gave me was debatable). Two hours later, I'm sitting here reflecting on a big revelation that I've just come to and also with a single photograph.

Yes, it's quickly and shittily filtered, edited, and cropped, and most definitely a very different style, but it's a start. Today is the day I realised my change and today is the day I start to turn things around.

I want photography to run in my blood again. 

In a sense, ultimately, I want it to have meaning again. Somewhere along the line I let go of the 'artistic' photography I held so dear to my heart and I became a commercial photographer. I'm not saying that one is necessarily better than the other, because they aren't -- they're merely two different types. 

But for me personally, photography was an art-form. It was a vent-out space for passion, stress-relief, and meaning. I believe it's time to change that 'was' into an 'is'.

"Hi, my name is Manjekah. And I love photography."

Five Things I Love About Museums

Something that I only recently discovered about myself was how much I loved museums. Something about these places always captivated me when I was younger (many hours were spent) but I never really paid any attention to it till recently. My friend uploaded a few Instagram photos of herself and a friend at the Australian Museum, and seeing them kindled a new fire, I suppose?

So, as a very, very, late birthday present for my friend RA last week, we went out to the Australian Museum on a wonderfully bright and sunny Thursday.

My brother also tagged along, because

1. Museums are where curiosity is aroused (and that, I believe, is a necessary component in all children)

2. Someone had to watch him for the day (i.e., babysitting)

Happy accidental portraits on the bus

But, of course, before we dived head-first into an exciting and tiring day at the museum, first a meal! We decided to head to Chanoma in the city, which I've frequented in recent times. Between the two-and-a-half of us, we ordered a bit too much food...

Pictured: matcha frappe, teriyaki dog, and chilli & garlic chips; on-top of this (unpictured) was a matcha-oreo frappe, two creamy shrimp hot dogs, and teriyaki chips.

Needless to say, we learned our lesson. Leaving unfinished food on the desk was a sad moment but it was either that or our stomachs would explode. It was absolutely yum though!

Finally, time for the museum, via a brisk walk through Hyde Park -- which, might I add, is a lot more beautiful than I ever noticed. A picnic there on a sunny day would make a day complete. The museum came into view.

My first thought: 'It's the museum!'
My second thought: 'Holy smokes, that sandstone architecture though.'

Five Things I Love About Museums

1. It's a great day out.

One thing that surprised me about the museum was how cheap the tickets were. I know, that's not the entire point of the museum, which is why I'm putting it first so I can get it out of the way. I was here anticipating $40 tickets, but pleasantly surprised when I was faced with an $8 concession ticket... And my brother's free-entry-for-under-16s! 

For such a great day out and time-killer, I never expected it to be so affordable.

The first exhibit we saw.
'They even made fake bird poo!'

But I guess that means the Government subsidises it, which is great, but also to an extent concerning. I hope the reason it's subsidised isn't because there aren't enough customers, but rather because museums are an important part of culture. Just like the Museum of Contemporary Art (which, might I just add, I'm due to visit again).

Look at that beak

Either way, it was affordable, so y'all ought to check it out if you have time too! Also, a shout-out to the Rock & Mineral exhibit on the second floor; many puns-making opportunities lie there.

2. Curiosity is strong

Bringing my brother to the museum was a sight. Seeing him 'WOAHHH' at every exhibit was incredible.

Museums have that ability to make you wonder. You stand there, looking into an exhibit at things that you never knew even existed in the first place. It's inevitable that your mind starts to be amazed and a bajillion questions pop into your head.

For instance, this display was accompanied by a note:
'Grey Falcon with Mallee Ringneck Parrot skull attached -- the Falcon ate the Parrot but the Parrot hung around for a lot longer'
Incredible, innit?

I think it's an incredibly enriching experience, especially for the children there, which makes sense why kids under 16 receive free entry.

And even I, at the ripe-old-age of eighteen (ancient, I know), found it interesting. It's only been a matter of a few days but I'm already missing the quiet, mindful stimulation of the entire building. Maybe I'll return soon.

How amazing are these abnormal eggs?! Especially the one on the left.
There were plenty more; pink eggs, worm-shaped eggs, eggs-in-eggs...

Curiosity has always been something that's played a big role in my life -- or, in fact, humanity's life. Curiosity is what makes you search for more, ask questions, find answers, and grow. Curiosity is that inside urge and thirst for knowledge, and if I got to choose a few characteristics to preserve throughout my entire life, 'curiosity' would be high up on the list.

3. Opportunities to learn

Yes, learning.

I never liked school too much as a kid. School itself wasn't that great -- the structure of it, the little faults and problems of the entire system, etc., often made it quite a dampening experience. But every day I still woke up with excitement and loved going to school, and one of the reasons for that was because I loved learning.

Granted, despite its faults, the education system did offer a source of learning for me.

Call me a 'nerd' if you will (which, might I add, should never have the derogatory connotations that those primary-school-bullies always placed on it), but an opportunity to learn something new is incredibly stimulating. This museum -- this single building -- hosts a wealth of knowledge that I never even knew existed.

As the wise Pocahontas once said, "You'll learn things you never knew you never knew"

And I think that in itself -- the opportunities and potential to learn -- is a strong enough reason to make museums a great place to be.

4. The peace and quiet

Museums aren't a very popular place. It's an unfortunate reality, but let's try and take advantage of that, then. It's quiet -- people are too busy caught up in their own minds and thoughts and amazement as they roam the polished wooden floors. For once, being 'caught up with yourself' is a good thing.

If you're looking for a quiet place to be -- away from the loud noises of the city and constant disruptions, then the museum is your home.

Especially for the introverted ones out there.

(As a side note, I'm currently reading 'Quiet' by Susan Cain, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who would like a fresh, new perspective and learn more about introversion)

There's something quite satisfying about roaming empty halls and massive rooms, with all these exhibits laid out in front of you. Peace and quiet as you take in the surroundings and see amazing displays.

IT'S A COELACANTH

Silence -- or, well, 'quiet', since 'silence' is such a rarity now -- is one of the most relaxing things I've found. It's weird that the absence of stimulus can be equally stimulating. Pretty awesome, hey?

Okay, lucky last.

5. Wow

The 'wow' factor.

There's nothing quite like gasping 'Woah...' or 'Oh my god' every time you turn your head to look at a new display. As far as I remember, that was me.

And let's not forget that the museum itself is a work-of-art already. Not only in terms of design (so much natural light!) but also the fact that it's almost two-hundred years ago (constructed in 1827).

Gems, gems, gems

These exhibits have things that you've never seen in your life before. Things that you never even knew existed are on display for you to gawk at and learn about.

So much effort has gone into finding the most curious and interesting objects for you to look at, and often you find yourself promptly amazed by it all.

I really don't know how to express it. I hope it's not just me, but I genuinely found these exhibits some of the most breath-taking things I've seen in a long time.

I mean seriously, LOOK AT THAT BUTTERFLY.

Unfortunately, we soon had to leave the museum because of other commitments, so we didn't have the chance to fully appreciate it entirely. There were plenty of signs that were left unread and things left unseen because we had places to be.

But, we all know what that means. It means we'll just have to return another day (which, I'll be glad to do). 

Opal embedded in rock

I don't know why I put so much effort into this post. I really ought to be studying (my assignment... is almost complete!) and also writing up some work, and completing my To-Dos, etc., etc., (it never ends, does it?), but instead I'm here typing up this blog post about museums.

Hm, I never thought my life would lead up to this.

But I guess it's all worth it, because after all, museums are truly great places to be, and I had only wished that someone had told me that earlier so I would have visited this place more. Maybe it's just me, but I do love museums, and it's definitely going on my list of 'Peace places' -- more on this topic another day, maybe.

Long story short, I went to the museum with two of my favourite people and I was amazed. Y'all should go.

Flashbacks to Jurassic Park

Take care, and remember, I'm not endorsed by Australian Museum.................. yet.

Mid-Sem Sleepover

I'm currently writing this on five hours sleep, when I really ought to either be 1) finishing my assignment, 2) working, or 3) sleeping, amongst an entire valley-full of other To-Dos that have been sitting around waiting for their turn for a while now.

Not to mention I've got another photography event to head off to real soon.

You know that moment when your life is so busy that you can hardly keep track of it anymore? Yeah. You feel me.

Mid-sem break is supposed to be, as you would expect, a 'break'. But honestly, this week-and-a-bit break has been the most hectic week of my life for a long while now.

Work is piling up, because I had anticipated that I'd actually have an opportunity to sort out my life a bit during this break -- clean up my room (which is long overdue), review some lecture content, maybe even do some leisure photography... But nope! Been swept away with a variety of things.

Though, to be fair, most of them are things I've brought upon myself. And most of it is just organising things with friends and trying to catch up (though, there are still a fair few friends I have yet to see, which is annoying and frustrating when I think about it).

But, back to the topic on hand, a few days ago I had a little bit of a sleepover at a friend's place. (I say 'little bit' because, let's be honest here, we didn't sleep much).

Up early in the morning it was for a fresh start filled with baking, because 'why not?'.

Macarons were made. One batch flopped, one batch succeeded (props to PT for acing the second batch). We decided to settle with matcha (a classic) and a simple salted caramel.

That piping.
We've moved beyond using pre-drawn circles to guide our piping!

I'm not going to lie, it was absolutely exhausting. I had forgotten how tiring and time-consuming macaron-baking actually gets. It definitely isn't worth the little packets of diabetes that you end up producing, but hey, there's something quite fun about baking food itself.

In saying so, I think I'll take a break from baking anything for a while. I can quite genuinely and honestly say I'm sick of all this mixing and sieving and piping -- six hours of it in one day is enough to last a long time, thank you very much.

But hey, the macarons were nice and cute!

Most of the entire time was chilling around with friends, laughing a lot and enjoying each other's company. Exploding Kittens (the card game) was unfortunately absent (sincerest apologies, as I had forgotten to bring mine), but Cards Against Humanity replaced it, amongst many matches of table tennis and pool. And blasting a few tunes here and there. And nail painting (done by yours truly).

I have to admit, not many photos taken that day can be posted here because

1. I didn't take many photos in the first place.
2. No face policy

But trust me when I say that we had a wonderful and fantastic time, let's say that these sleepover parties are things I'd love to have again in the future.

After finally conking out at 3am in the morning, we rose soon after the sun was shining bright and a fresh morning let's-get-to-know-each-other-better session was had (aka a d'n'm session). Fantastic getting to know people a bit more -- asking friends questions that you don't usually ask ("do you think I'm an introvert or an extrovert?" "How many kids do you want?" "Do you like silence?").

To be completely honest, those moments were the highlight of the entire sleepover. Sitting there on the balcony with the morning sun, with nothing but some great friends and their time. And then we transcended into a classic game of 'Contact'.

An hour or so later, hunger started to get the better of us, so we made some breakfast, which was buttered popcorn, leftover macarons, baked apples stuffed with Reese's peanut butter chips, and bacon. Healthy, I know. And to think that most of us are (hopefully) going to become Doctors.

Bacon, also baked.

It was a nice and refreshing day-and-a-half. Filled with laughs, good times, and much consumption of sugar amidst background jams and singing. Despite the hassle that comes with staying over at a friend's place, the time was really worth it in the end, and even though I'm writing this several days later, I'm still feeling great and refreshed from it.

Also, good news! My allergies/hayfever from cat fur seems to be lessening! Hurrah, hurrah.

DA's cat, Mimi. Just chillin'.

Since this sleepover, I've had another sleepover, and also a day-out at the museum (which was fantastic! A post will come soon... Once I find the time to actually edit the photos), and the days are just going to get busier. My only 'free' day this entire break will be in a few days time, and to be completely honest, I'm absolutely looking forward to it. It's just what I need to finally catch up and sort my life out a little bit (right before jumping straight back into University -- Oh god. I'm pretty much going to live at the Uni library for the next two weeks, just so I can sort out my studies and get back up to speed).

Life is a bit of a spaghetti-bowl right now, and I really would love some time-off to just read, relax, recharge, and sort my life out a little bit. File a few things, organise my calendar, clean up the desk, in the metaphoric 'office' sitting inside my head.

But, we don't always get that luxury, and rather than freak out as I would do when I was younger, let's just take things one at a time. As my wise friend EL says, "you gotta do what you gotta do".

Time stops for no one! 

Alright, I'm out. Another update should be up soonish (Give me a week? Or more? Who knows. Life is a surprise), but till then, those also on Uni break, enjoy them, and to those who aren't, uh, stay hydrated? Take care of yourself, y'all.

Now excuse me while I go take a nap.